Thursday, September 02, 2004

Disgruntled Advertiser (Part 1) - Yellow Pages Commando News

Disgruntled Advertiser (Part 1) - Yellow Pages Commando News
Yellow Pages Commando News by Dick Larkin
Disgruntled Advertiser - Part 1

September 2, 2004

-- Disgruntled Advertiser - Part 1
-- My Favorite Book on Yellow Pages
-- Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser
-- What I Learned in College
-- The Ultimate "Dummies" Book
-- Homemade Guitar
-- All the Cool Guys are Named Dick
-- What to Do if Monty Asks You
-- Nigerian Restaurant
-- Ironman Competition
-- This Week's Brainteaser
-- Quote of the Week

Dear Dick,

If you have trouble seeing the photos in this newsletter, simply go to this website.

You can read the newsletter as a webpage.

I'm gearing up to begin publishing "This Week in Pictures" an e-zine with funny photos, brainteasers and quotes. It's kind of like the YPcommando without the YP. To get on the list, send an email to


And now, on with the show . . .

Disgruntled Advertiser - Part 1 back to top Forward to a Friend
A few weeks back, I published a real letter from a disgruntled former Yellow Pages advertiser. Imagine that. He posed several objections that are common to many business people.

I asked the subscribers of my Yellow Pages Commando newsletter to send in their responses to his objections.

The results were overwhelming. I received over 23 pages of responses! This week, I’ll share with you highlights of the responses to the first objection. Over the coming weeks, I will go through all of the objections.

There’s still time to respond. Send your comments to

Dear Dick,

Obviously, you are sold on the value of yellow pages advertising. So, I must ask your thoughts on the following:

I owned a heating and air conditioning company for more than 20 years. Yellow Pages was a terrible headache for me.

First, heating and air conditioning were divided headings and I was forced to buy ads under both headings.

Second, each ad only generated business on a seasonal basis with few or no calls during the remaining months of the year.

Third, calls for repair service on heating and cooling equipment only came in during the hottest or coldest times of the year . . . times when my technicians were already loaded with work.

Fourth, calls for quotes on new heating and cooling systems only resulted in a 10% closure rate. It appeared that Yellow Pages inquiries were generally from price shoppers.

With all that said, what I want to hear is how I was totally wrong in my opinion and how Yellow Pages advertising could have been a boom to my business. Am I nuts...or what?

Richard O.
Jacksonville, FL

I received responses from

  • Lee Rubner, BellSouth
  • Kristin Salerno, SBC
  • Steve Clark, TransWestern Publishing
  • Rich Hargrave, Ambassador Publishing
  • Terry Pacelli, Haines Directories
  • James Thessen, National Direct Media Services
  • Alan Saltz, Author of "Legal Theft 2.0 - Using Yellow Pages Advertising to Ethically Steal Business from Your Competition"
  • Beverly S. Sundstrom, international Yellow Pages advertising, inc.
  • Drew Cameron, Supernova Selling Systems
  • Adams Hudson, Hudson Ink (marketing consultant to the HVAC trade)
  • Andy Summerlin, DataNational
  • Stephanie Crammond, Deep Data
  • Randy S. Mitchell, Yellow Page Group
  • Eric Groves, Constant Contact

You really must read how these enlightened thinkers responded.

My Favorite Book on Yellow Pages back to top Forward to a Friend
This is my favorite book on Yellow Pages advertising. It helps anyone who relies on the Yellow Pages for customers to design ads that will have the maximum impact.

It's specifically targeted to attorneys, but the lessons apply to every Yellow Pages advertiser. I like that it's filled with specific tips that any business owner can immediately use to create advertising that is much more appealing to the precise customers he or she wants.

I've had the opportunity to talk with Kerry Randall, the author. He's a delightful guy who approaches Yellow Pages advertising through the eyes of a designer and an advertising agency strategist.

Give this book to a friend.

Answer to Last Week's Brainteaser back to top Forward to a Friend
Buford is holding something in his hand reciting the following riddle.

I started with three and felt a need
to cut one off and so I did the deed.

To my dismay it fell to the floor,
and in my hand I then had four.

Cutting another, I did contrive,
and in my hand I then had five.

Name for me these growing things,
and bask in the glory a correct answer brings!

See the Answer & Our Celebrity Winner

What I Learned in College back to top Forward to a Friend

I didn't get the best grades, but I really picked up some great multitasking skills.


Local search is shaking the YP community by its collective knickers.

The single most impactful conference on this technology will be held in that tech mecca of Jersey City.

Luckily it's in November so the weather should be nice. groan

Interactive Local Media 2004

The Ultimate "Dummies" Book back to top Forward to a Friend

This is so stupid that it cracks me up.


I'm starting a new newsletter called "This Week in Pictures" that will feature several funny photos, quotes and a brainteaser or two.

To subscribe, send an email to

It will be rated PG-13, and include marginal photos that missed the cut in this newsletter.

Not long ago, I found a new crack dealer.

Homemade Guitar back to top Forward to a Friend

I thought it would be cool to make my own guitar, but it sounds like crap.

Why you shouldn't hire a one-legged kid to mow your grass.

All the Cool Guys are Named Dick back to top Forward to a Friend

Any guy named Dick needs a sense of humor. Get over it.


Got a good tip for YP advertisers? Send it my way, and I'll make you rich and famous.

I posted some more jokes on the YPcommando site.

What to Do if Monty Asks You back to top Forward to a Friend

Monty Hall had a great way of playing with people's heads.

Should you stick with your original guess, or go for Door #3? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There really is a scientific answer to this age-old question.

Nigerian Restaurant back to top Forward to a Friend

I ate at a Nigerian restaurant the other day. Imagine my joy after opening this fortune cookie.

Oh dear, the Internet needs a new roof.

Ironman Competition back to top Forward to a Friend

I competed in an Ironman competition last weekend.

Unfortunately, I ran out of spray starch before I finished the second load.

I brought an ironing board on vacation so my wife wouldn't be bored.

This Week's Brainteaser back to top Forward to a Friend
Buford was being audited by the IRS.

He figured that even if his son, brother in-law and his half-uncle were the same person, he should still be able to claim three dependents.

The poor IRS auditor was so flustered that he gave Buford the opportunity to plead his case with a single statement.

If the statement was true, Buford would be fined $10,000. If the statement was false, 'ol Buford would rot in prison for 10 years.

What did Buford say that got the auditor to dismiss the charges altogether?

Email your answer to

The winner will receive an amazing array of goodies.

To improve your random chances of winning, please include your name, company name and mailing address.

I draw the winner the day before I send the following newsletter, so enter early and often.

Is your company correctly listed in my link directory?

Quote of the Week back to top Forward to a Friend

"[Time is] the most valuable thing a man can spend."
- Theophrastus (300 BC - 287 BC)


If you'd like to connect with other folks in the Yellow Pages industry, I invite you to join my LinkedIn network.

It's a complimentary service that allows like minded individuals to privately communicate with each other. If you'd like an invitation, please email me at

All email addresses are kept private and are never shared, sold or otherwise abused.


Know why I put quotes, jokes and puzzlers in this newsletter? Because everybody likes to smile!

If you like the quotes and puzzlers I use, you will certainly get a kick out of the "Really Good Quotes" newsletter. Every day, they send several great quotes and puzzlers that will keep you on your toes. There are very few ezines that I recommend, but "Really Good Quotes" is pretty dang good.

Sign up now at:

Start every day with a smile (and some fiber).

Contact Information back to top Forward to a Friend

voice: 858-614-5425


Yellow Pages Commando · 8344 Clairemont Mesa Blvd · San Diego · CA · 92111

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